One day, Old Crazy Man Pickett!! was walking around the street randomly slapping strangers and running a way… Strangely, although he was slow, few people bothered to do anything about it, because they were either enchanted or frightened that such an eccentric old person would do such a thing. No one quite knew why he would do this, but the real reason was, it helped him think to slap people in the face, albeit lightly. Finally he came up with a plan… he was going to visit his friend Rudolfioussamnotchski, whom he had not seen in nearly two months. Old Crazy Man Pickett!! walked to his car, wearing his Red tunic and belt and of course Russian fur hat. He looked like some sort of ancient Tsar, replete with a great fork beard. As he walked towards his car, he began singing a song he called “Punch me in the face” and it went a little something like this:
Punch me in the face!
Wait, why would you do that?!
Oh, because I told you to!
Wait, that’s a terrible idea!
Hey, do you have anything for breakfast?!
Oh wait not that!
And so on!
Oddly enough, ‘And so on!’ was part of the lyrics. Pickett entered his car, which was ornately painted on all sides and on the front was Pickett’s emblem, a Val Knot, that is three interlocked triangles of black white and green… with ‘the bird’ or ‘the finger’ on the front. The sides had pictures of naked women doing lewd things (aside from just being naked) and pictures of squirrels in various positions. He hopped in through the sun roof (as was his normal custom) and was off to see Rudolfioussamnotchski. As he drove he sang his song and put on the CD. He drove like a wild man, saying rude things along the way like “I’ll bet you only lather once!” and “Have you contemplated the meaning of quantum mechanics today? LOSER!!” Yes, Pickett!! was out of control! Anyway, eventually he got to the residence of Rudolfioussamnotchski, where he knocked on the door to find it open already!
As he walked in, he saw a handsome horse with what seemed to be some armor and tribal painting on it and to this sight Pickett exclaimed “Rudolfioussamnotchski! My old Steed, how in blazes are you? What shenananigans have you been up to lately? The horse neighed loudly and stomped its hoof three times and rearing its neck as if to say something to Pickett!! like a greeting. “I know Rudy, let’s go…”said Pickett!! and soon enough the horse was saddled with Pickett!!’s special saddle he’d made from paper-mache and they were off. Rudy rode fast and Pickett escaped with him into the mountains riding with his tunic flowing fierce and free.