The day began with me waking up about 9:00 and haphazardly getting ready. I didn’t get a great deal accomplished between the time I awoke and had to go see Kathy Reed, Abby’s mother. All I really did was talk to Amber and Thomas on the phone and other than that, sadly I can’t really recall much, besides get ready to go. A little before 13:00, I left for the house I hadn’t really seen in nearly five years, and certainly hadn’t been inside in that time. I drove up and parked in the all too familiar spot where I did in happier times, to walk up to the lonely house upon the hill. When I arrived there, I rang the doorbell and heard the familiar bark of Suzy, the Reed’s dog, whom I hadn’t seen since I’d last been to the house. Kathy opened the door, and I waited a little while for her to let Suzy out to urinate (like they used to when I would arrive before [Suzy’s half cocker spaniel]). After Kathy let me in, I noticed how very much things had remained the same in that house, and remembered a few things I had certainly forgotten. One such thing, was how cluttered Kathy was, it almost made me laugh in delight, it was a better way to remember Abigail for me. I brought my African books with me, for a few reasons, and oddly enough, one of the first things she said to me was “I heard you were in South Africa”. Now, I was pretty sure Abigail had known about me being there, but I still found it slightly odd. After saying this, I affirmed this and handed her the first book, which she read, and then I handed her the second. We talked a little about Africa whilst she was reading the books and afterward. At one point, I told her that a lot of the reasons I had been doing this, and was also moving to South Korea, was because of Abigail.
I told her, that since everything happened at the end of Abby and my relationship, I wanted to do everything I could to be a better person so that we might again someday be friends again. I think this pleased her, and she said that is what Abby would have wanted me to do. She also mentioned that our breakup was a large part of the reason why Abigail went into Women’s Studies, which I must confess was kind of baffling to me. She was talking about how she wanted to help women who suffered eating disorders who were in abusive relationships. This was somewhat upsetting to hear, because I did not really feel like I was abusive to Abby except that one time toward the end, which I apologized for profusely. Kathy seemed to be of the opinion that had Abby lived, she never would want to reconcile, which really hurt me, but I knew she was probably right. I told her about a lot of the things I was hoping to do, and how I aimed on teaching and so on, which really seemed to please Kathy. I told her I wanted to stay in contact, and basically told her all of my woes about how much I loved her daughter and that I was a kid when this happened, and consequently just didn’t know how to deal with it at all. She said something else that kind of disturbed me, and that was that Phil apparently would have started something with me, had we seen each other at the service. I simply don’t understand grudges, Abby’s, Phil’s or anyone’s. I have a lot to be angry about too, but I’m not, and I would be willing to accept anyone back into my life who simply solicited it, but apparently that is a little more the exception than the rule. Overall, we had a very civil conversation without much accusing, but it was sure a hard thing to face, and something I have been doused in guilt from nearly since it occurred.
After I left, I went to Kevin’s to give him a glass that Abby had bought for him sometime earlier, and told him a bit about how everything went down. Kevin told me about everything with Gillian, and how that went down. Although I felt sorry for him, I was simply happy to see that she explained herself to him, even if it was simply to alleviate her own guilt in the situation. I had to leave soon thereafter, and came back home to take care of a few things. I went and spoke with my mother and that resulted in a small argument about how I dally out my time, especially to them. Afterward she went to eat supper and I called Marc. He and I spoke for some time, which actually took up the entirety of supper itself, but it was worth it. Later that night, my mother and I packed my stuff to go to Korea, and I told her about everything that had occurred between Abby and I, figuring it was time she knew about all of my failings in total as well. She seemed a little shocked to hear about some things, but told me she thought no less of me afterward. Maybe it was just because she was my mother, but it felt like she still thought that what happened was bull shit, which I was inclined to agree with her on. Specifically, because she observed that had I not actually said anything to the wrong person and therefore gotten myself into trouble, Abby never would have said anything either and likely would not have thought much of it. It was both her and my belief that the victim’s advocacy groups that Abby likely encountered following my apprehension really fired her up and blew things out of proportion. Don’t get me wrong, I know that what I did was terrible and wrong, but I don’t think it should have been the catalyst to someone’s crusade against such things in future. A little later, my mother revealed something very shocking and horrible that happened to her when she was much younger, something I won’t get into, suffice it to say, it made what happened between Abby and I seem like a walk in the park and my mother was upset that when people get so hyped up about things like what I did, it takes credence away from the real crimes.
Following this, my mother went to bed, and I watched Big Fish, which was a pretty good movie, and one that made me think about my relationship with my father and how I’ve been so harsh on him. The movie itself was pretty fantastic and had me wondering about what was true in it the whole time. Also, it was good to see a role like that for Ewan McGregor, and I liked his Alabaman accent. Following this, I shut my computer and went to sleep.
